Section Two - Describing and Comparing Data
Section 2 / Lesson 5 - Model Answer
In this lesson, we'll put everything we have covered so far into a full answer. First, you will see the question. Secondly, you will see the full answer. Finally, I will break down every sentence, explaining why I wrote it this way. If any part of this model answer is unclear, look back at the previous lessons at the relevant part.
The question
Full answer
Here is my full answer for above question. It has been highlighted in different colours to show how I have used the language from each of the classes. Below the answer, there is a full line-by-line breakdown of every decision that I made as I wrote this paper.
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Lesson One (Comparisons) = Pink
Lesson Two (Percentages) = percentage of + whole + verb + part
Lesson Three (Tense Choice) = All main verbs will be in red, to show the consistent tense choice. E.g. 'to show' doesn't give the tense so wouldn't be in red.
Lesson Four (Planning) = The planning from this class is used in this answer.
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The given data details how land is utilised in San Diego and Philadelphia.
Overall, housing alongside parkland in San Diego and mobility infrastructure in Philadelphia uses the most land. While industry and civic institutions' land use varies, the amount vacant or used for retail is small in both cities.
Nearly a third of the land in Philadelphia is used for housing, whereas slightly less is used for this in San Diego at 24%. Equal land is required for transportation in Philadelphia, yet it only requires one-seventh of the total area in San Diego. A similarly small amount of land is used for recreation in Philadelphia, but this is the biggest use of land in the other city at 28%.
There is a much bigger proportion of land used for transportation in Philadelphia than in San Diego at almost a quarter compared to just over a sixth. Industrial use of land makes up 13% of the total here while it is one of the smallest uses of land in San Diego at under a twentieth.
Land which is vacant or used for retail purposes makes up very little land in either city at 5% in Philadelphia and only 4% in San Diego. Only a tiny amount of land is used for other purposes.
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Words: 213
Line by line breakdown
Introduction Paragraph
The first sentence is a paraphrased version of the question.
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The two pie charts - This is difficult to paraphrase as we cannot say ‘pie graph’
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show - detail
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the land - there is not a direct synonym to use here.
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use - utilized
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of two cities in the United States of America ïƒ San Diego and Philadelphia
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The given data details how land is utilised in San Diego and Philadelphia.
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The next section of this answer is the overview. I’ve split the data into three groups (detailed in this lesson). I’ve then described each group in the most general way possible.
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The first sentence describes our first group, showing which are the biggest uses of land in each city.
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Overall, housing alongside parkland in San Diego and with mobility infrastructure in Philadelphia uses the most land
The second sentence of this overview describes the other two groups, comparing them to each other.
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While industry and civic institutions' land use varies, the amount vacant or used for retail is small in both cities.
Body 1
Instead of using a percentage, we show our range of language by using an adverb (nearly) and 'a third' instead of 33%. We need to describe each part of a percentage including the percentage (30%) whole (land in Philadelphia) verb (used) part (for housing) here. After this, I use the conjunction 'whereas' to show contrast when comparing this to San Diego. I use 'slightly', to show the extent of the comparison, 'less' to show the comparison itself, the pronoun 'this' to avoid repetition of 'housing' and I use the preposition 'at' to give the percentage as the percentage whole verb part is clear.
Nearly a third of the land in Philadelphia is used for housing, whereas slightly less is used for this in San Diego at 24%.
The phrase 'equal land' links back to the previous percentage with very little repetition. I also use passive voice (lesson on this in section 4) as the subject is clear (i.e we don't need to say people in Philadelphia require the land). I link this with the conjunction 'yet' as an alternative to 'whereas'. To make the comparison, I used both the contrast of the conjunction, and the adverb 'only' to show that this amount is much smaller. I used one seventh as an alternative to 14%.
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Equal land is required for transportation in Philadelphia, yet it only requires one-seventh of the total area in San Diego.
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I use the adjective 'small' to describe the percentage of land used for recreation in Philadelphia and the adverb 'similarly' to compare it back to the previous sentence, which reduces repetition of 'one seventh'. I use 'but' as a final contrasting conjunction before using a superlative to compare recreation land in San Diego to both Philadelphia, and all other land uses in the city. I again use the preposition at to give the percentage as the percentage whole verb part is clear.
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A similarly small amount of land is used for recreation in Philadelphia, but this is the biggest use of land in the other city at 28%.
Body 2
To start this paragraph, I use a comparative adjective with a noun to compare the land use of transportation in each city as this is the most significant use in the second group. The comparative shows the the percentage whole verb part, so I again use 'at' to add the percentage. I use 'a quarter' and 'a sixth' to avoid repeating language from the question, with the adverbs 'almost' and 'just over' to add a little more detail.
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There is a much bigger proportion of land used for transportation in Philadelphia than in San Diego at almost a quarter compared to just over a sixth.
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The second sentence in this paragraph focuses on industrial use of land. The first part clearly states the percentage for one city. The conjunction 'while' links this to the following superlative, which is used to compare this use to all over uses of land in San Diego.
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Industrial use of land makes up 13% of the total here while it is one of the smallest uses of land in San Diego at under a twentieth.
Body 3
The final paragraph is very short as these final uses are not very 'significant'. This could be added onto the end of body 2, but I have separated them to make the thought process clearer.
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I use the adjective 'little' to describe the two percentages before giving the exact numbers using the preposition 'at'. If I was running out of time, I would describe these all as 'around 5%' and finish the essay.
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Land which is vacant or used for retail purposes makes up very little land in either city at 5% in Philadelphia and only 4% in San Diego.
The final sentence is trying to describe the fact that most of the two cities' land use can be described by the previous uses in the most concise way possible. There is no need to give exact percentages here.
Only a tiny amount of land is used for other purposes.
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Practice writing a full IELTS Writing Task One question using all the techniques here: